I just finished watching Buffy with my husband. It’s been several years since I had visited the series and it took us the entire summer to get there. There are a few cornerstone movies, books, and shows that have a much more profound connection to me than just “I like it” or “It’s awesome” and Buffy is one of them. Generally, I won’t recommend these little nuggets to anyone because if they take part and don’t like it there’s a sense of nakedness and exposure I feel. Like….here’s a part of my heart that reflects who I am as a person and you were like……”You’re okay I guess, but I don’t get it.” Reinforce the story of my life more why don’t ya?

The Earth is Doomed

Buffy can be enjoyed in a more superficial capacity, but it was so much more to me in my late teens. (The characters and their timelines were my age and grade) I have never had problems making friends, but I have always had difficulty connecting to them on a deeper level. There was and still is a sense of loneliness I’ve always had. Being a girl who liked “boy stuff”, carrying adult burdens at a young age, and being socially awkward made for a very lonely young girl and woman.

Buffy made me realize I wasn’t alone. Suddenly, I had a voice and saw a person represent a much more awesome version of myself weekly on TV. AND it was a girl. Joss’s whole idea for the show was based on the concept that high school was hell and living through it was like a horror movie. Buffy and all of her battles, relationships, and growing into an adult and the burdens she carried were symbols of that exploited through the mask of entertainment. It was the first time I remember reading or watching someone other than Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables and going, holy shit….someone gets me.

“I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.”

One of my favorite moments in the whole series is when Faith says to Buffy in the final episode, “That’s how you feel all the time” referring to her loneliness. Suddenly she has empathy and understands now that she briefly walked in her shoes. For the longest time, I yearned for someone to see things through my eyes and get me. I wanted that moment. Even as close as all the Scoobies were, no one else really understood the reason Buffy connected to Spike was that there were no barriers there, no walls. He saw her and loved her anyway. As crazy as their relationship was, it was one of the purest things Buffy ever had and I think that’s what most of us want. It is for someone to actually SEE you. The good, the great, but mostly the bad and awful and still love you.

“This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.”

It was a real catharsis going through it again and I fell in love with it even more if possible. I still believe it’s the best work Joss ever did unless perhaps he could have continued Firefly. I have that same emptiness you have when you finish a good book. But it’s time for Angel next unless Mike wants to go back to Miami and be a spy with his trigger happy girlfriend.